In this Moment

20140915_111952As I lay awake in the cool night air, at the end of my girls bed, I can’t sleep.  But I am okay with that, sleep will come soon enough.  I feel at peace in the moment. Just soaking up the present. You see change is in the air, I can see it, feel it, smell it. I can almost touch it.

Right now everything is precious and as it should be. My kids are blissfully unaware of how fast life progresses and how it can hurtle you across the room or gently place you on the sand. They are naive, as they should be, but not fools. I embrace the moment, I am naive too. I don’t know what the future holds, nor do I want to in this moment. I just want to be. I just want to be in this moment.

It is amazing how time can be so fleeting,  yet in this moment time seems to be standing still. It is the middle of the night and the house is almost silent. The silence is broken up only by my kids gentle breathing. Every gentle breath can be heard. Their breathing is slow and methodical. It brings with it comfort and calmness. Their energy is so real and innocent.

Usually insomnia would frustrate me, upset me and worry me. The weariness that is coming for me the next day would haunt the moment. Not tonight. Tonight for some reason is different. I am just enjoying being in this moment. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for this insomnia. This moment feels like what living is all about, I am present and soaking it all in.

My senses are all awakened. I am so calm and every sound has become crisper, every emotion is stronger and everything I touch is more real.

Tomorrow is a new day and with it will come busyness, catching up, running around, getting ready, preparing, doing, finishing, calming down, racing to and fro. I know I will get swept along and caught in the flow. The moments will be more fleeting and I won’t have time to even notice them.

I don’t know if I will ever have another moment like this. My head usually hits the pillow hard. Tomorrow things will have changed, even if it is only by a fraction, even if it is not even noticeable to me. One day I will look back upon this moment and realise it is gone.

But for now I am going to soak up this moment and be grateful to be alive.

Jess xoxoxox

13 Responses to In this Moment

  1. Forgive the repeat, but that was a beautiful read, Jess!!

    As well as very touching and a meditation-in-prose, your story reminded me of once when I was sitting in the Copenhagen train station, where my German traveling companions had left me to continue their trip, with a long wait before my train left for Hamburg and my 20 hour trip back to the US. I knew returning to a surgeon’s hectic life awaited me, but for those few hours, I sat on the floor, took out my guitar, leaned against the wall, and played, happy to be in that place far from home where no one knew me nor could contact me, and I knew those were times to cherish.

  2. I’m a terrible sleeper. It always takes me hours to get to sleep but once I’m asleep I’m dead to the world. Even if I have to get up to the loo I go BACK to sleep pretty easily.

    But yes, appreciating those moments is important. And it’s kinda nice that kids don’t have any concept or concern about time in that respect.

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    • It is nice that the kids don’t have any concept or concern about time. We have been learning about days of the week, and it sort of makes me a little sad, in that their innocence to time is eroding. I mean I know it is important and inevitable but must be so nice to just live without that awareness sometimes.

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